Pesanan Terakhir Kurt Cobain Sebelum Membunuh Diri

oleh Iscandarz
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Bagi sesetengah peminat, Kurt Cobain dilihat sebagai “Nabi” alaf moden kerana kematian, kelahiran dan ulangtahun albumnya bersama Nirvana, ‘Nevermind’ sentiasa diratapi atau diingati setiap tahun.

Namun, seperti mana-mana hero, ikon atau legenda di dunia, apakah agaknya pesanan terakhit Kurt kepada dunia sebelum mati?

Berikut ialah warkah terakhir yang dikatakan sempat ditulis oleh Kurt sebelum menembak kepalanya sendiri di rumah beliau di Seattle pada hari ini 28 tahun lepas, 5 April 1994.

Di dalamnya, ia mengandungi pelbagai ekspresi misteri termasuklah mesej keabadian personal beliau kepada Punk Rock.

Ia juga mengandungi petikan lirik lagu ayahanda besar Grunge, Neil Young ‘My My, Hey Hey’ (1979).

Pada awal rangkap surat, tertera ke hadapan Boddah yang dipercayai kawan imaginasi Kurt semasa kanak-kanak. Boddah juga dikatakan seorang punk rocker tulen mengikut hemat Kurt.

Disertakan kandungan penuh warkah yang mengandungi peaanan terakhir Kurt kepada kita:

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, the ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we’re backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seem to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become. I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out then to fade away.

 

Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.

Selepas itu, terselit juga nota pesanan pendek yang ditujukan kepada isteri, Coutney dan anaknya, Frances sambil mengucapkan rasa sayangnya berulang kali.

Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU

Kesimpulannya, dari segi firasat dan psikologi, Kurt dikatakan membunuh diri kerana rasa bersalah beliau akibat melanggar etika dan kepercayaan Punk Rock (rujuk surat) dan juga menebus kesalahan beliau kepada Boddah, kawan imaginasinya itu yang telah memberi amaran berulangkali semasa kemuncak agar tidak terjerat dengan kepalsuan dalam kreativiti seni.

Perkara ini juga didedahkan dalam laporan FBI yang dikeluarkan dari kotak rahsia tahun 2021.

Walaupun telah tiada, vokal keramat Kurt Cobain dan lagu-lagu Nirvana akan terus dikenang jutaan orang kerana di situlah, bermulanya era muzik baharu yang memberi harapan kepada generasi.

#ChivasAlexandria

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